Five Months Ago

Dearest Will,

Five months ago, my world changed forever. I held you for the first time and became a mother. And not just any mother, but your mother.

I counted your ten little fingers and ten little toes. I thanked God that all of you was absolutely perfect and healthy. I touched your soft baby cheek and peered into your inky eyes and I felt as if I was looking into a part of my heart.

Staring at you would become my new favorite pasttime. Even now, five months later, I can spend the better part of an afternoon, just watching you sleep. And we all know how much I love taking your picture so that I will always be able to remember just what you looked like.

I had always dreamed about being a mom and what it might be like. I thought that I knew how to be a mother because I've always been good around babies.

I had no idea.

I had no idea how much I could love you, that my heart would literally hurt from loving you this way.

I had no idea how terrified I would become that I would cause you harm in some way.

I had no idea how focused I could become on keeping you safe and happy.

I had no idea how much being a mom would change me.

I had no idea.

Five months ago, they placed you in my arms for the very first time and I became a mother and changed forever.

Thank you.

Love always,
Mommy